Half Jack, half Cena, all purely unadulterated and mildly disturbing rage. These are the words used to describe gaming's most bizarrely overpowered freak of nature since Chris Redfield's impromptu WWE match with a giant boulder in the middle of a f***ing volcano.

You know things are going horribly wrong when Jack Cena rises from the dead faster than it takes Barry Allen to screw up a timeline. Today, Ethan goes on a romantic car ride with his father-in-law, Gram-Gram manages to get herself up a hefty flight of stairs using the power of God-knows-what, the Bathroom of Unholy Terror is discovered and a giant tumor demon is slain by the Gangsta Glock. REALISM!

Tables, ladders, and chainsaws! Oh my! The time has come to settle this beef with Jack Cena once and for all (I hope) in the world's grottiest gladiator arena, complete with bodybags that add that extra 'WTF' to the ambiance. Today, Ethan dives into Jack's basement only to discover a tumor demon epidemic, the Case of the Lewd Photos is opened up once again, and Jack Cena returns for a shot at the Resident Evil World Championship.

What a day to be alive! Unless you're Ethan Winters, of course. Today, Ethan clears out his drug stash, Mia's old Build-a-Baby collection briefly comes back to life for one last scare, the power of realism is demonstrated two-fold, God plagues the Baker residence with locusts and Mama Marguerita transforms into a Dark Souls monster after eating two shotgun shells to the mouth. Welcome back.

They say a shower a day keeps the nasty away but Marguerite has always been one for overstepping boundaries, showing the world that you can look like the inside of a monkey's digestive tract and still be awesome. She failed in both endeavors. Today, Ethan faces the wrath of his stepmom, who now identifies as an F-Zero Series Attack Spider, and learns a very valuable lesson about taking limbs that aren't his.

Birthdays come only once a year but in Ethan's case it may just be his last even though it's not really for a few months. Today, Ethan is greeted to the Baker Backyard BBQ Bro-down by a severed head in a toilet, Grammy tries to get high outside the dissection room, and a desperate struggle for the last Caprisun is settled in a No-Holds-Barred Street Fight. Typical family gathering

he next time your friend says that the cake they're eating is "bomb af" I encourage you to smack it out of their hands without a word. Never trust your local bakers again. Today, Ethan officially earns the title of "accident-prone" while continuing his birthday extravaganza in the Party Room, a poorly-ventilated recreational area that was previously used by Ronald McDonald until all the fun was sucked out of him like a black hole swallowing a grape.

First he was just a crazy man, then he was crazy with a chainsaw through his face. Now he's transcended his mortal body to become king of the tumor demons! That's right, Jack Cena is back and he wants one final rematch. Today, Ethan takes a stroll through the swamps of Mississippi, Mia is finally found but is dying from cooties, and Ethan is forced to choose between her and Zoe Baker in a very special episode of 'The Bachelor'.

If your name sounds like 'evil' and you look evil then 9 times out of 10 you're most definitely Eveline. Today, Mia rescues Ethan from a cocoon of demon dung only to die moments later and Ethan gears up to take on Eveline in the ultimate slobberknocker showdown. Spoiler: Ethan is the main character so he survives.